Sports, sports, sports..?

The sheer look of disappointment that grew on my face as I watched Sydney Sweeney’s newest “sports” ad was unlike one I ever experienced before. I already avoid every Sydney Sweeney post as I have no idea how she turned into Cassie after starring in roles like The Handmaid's Tale. I was dumbfounded. Personally, I don't find that repeating the word “sports” and sexualizing the equipment makes you hot, it makes you out of touch with every bit of reality that's ever been right in front of your face.

There's not a single day where women in sports get a break. There is a constant battle, whether it's on the court, on the field, on the ice or in a gym, every female athlete not only has to work for their position but also fight to be seen and it starts when we’re young.

I started playing softball at the age of six and played all the way until I was 18. At age eight I was already having to stick up for myself on the playground when the boys felt that they were faster and stronger (they never were). Me and my girl friends were pretty much all athletes. A few played soccer, others played softball, some did both, I had friends that did karate and gymnastics- in short terms we all knew ball and we did it all. Tetherball, foursquare, football, running and soccer when the stampede of boys would let us have a ball, we ran that recess. It was effortless for us while the boys were putting in every ounce of effort they could, not even to impress anyone but to one up each other. That was always their motive, the male mind knows nothing but stats. There was a science project I did one year researching if baseball was “harder” than softball because I was so sick and tired of the game I loved being put down. The conclusion was that softball was actually slightly faster paced due to the size of the fields and distance of the bases being much closer. Your reaction time becomes quicker if not, equivalent than if it were shown on a baseball field. The evidence and the research was right there and I'd still get told that a big yellow ball is nothing compared to a two inch baseball. That was a conversation that would be brought up my entire life. I wonder why they stood up so hard for such a small ball, it really makes you wonder.

On top of already having to stand up for me and my sport, can you guess how many female head coaches I had during my 13 years of playing? Two female coaches. For a women's sport. Half of my life I dedicated my performance to men. Men who had no grasp of the female mind and body. The biggest issue with that is, without that basic information or understanding there's no way for the athlete to thrive. You can not coach a woman the same way you coach a man. There was one male coach I had who understood that. I remember during a team meeting one time he said “women need to look good and feel good to play good”. There's a lot that comes with that then just doing game day makeup and finding the right ribbon to wear. It means it starts mentally. Women prepare themselves in countless ways, the pre-pregame is probably the most important. I honestly thought of it as an art form. The tucking in of the jersey, smoothing out all the places it bunched up, choosing the right visor to match, seeing if there was a themed ribbon to wear, braiding my hair and probably at least two other girls' hair. Waking up and getting ready like this all went into the game. We looked good, we were uniform and put together, we felt good. The important thing that male coach did was praise us. He continued to build us up so that confidence stayed.  Dr. Meghan Fruth, a clinical psychologist from Nebraska medicine, stated she notices perfectionism to be at an all time high when working with female athletes, "There's almost a need to outwork men and compensate for the fact that there's lower pay and fewer opportunities for women.” Girls have 1.3 million fewer opportunities to play high school sports, even less opportunities as you grow and the hundreds of unrepresented regions. As I said before, this is a constant battle. By the age of 14, girls drop out of sports twice as fast as boys do, for several reasons, some being a lack of investment or social expectations, even the fear of appearing unfeminine. A majority of male coaches have no idea this even goes on. How could they when they've never experienced it? My question is, why isn't it prioritized when your team is full of women? 

I remember another coach of mine. I remember a specific conversation with him because of how he looked at me. I had taken a mental health break due to many reasons, my outside world felt heavy and usually my time on the field was always therapeutic but it started weighing on me soon enough. I noticed I was hardly receiving recognition, the only time I did was for something I did wrong. It wasn't just me that I saw this with either, I had noticed it with other girls. When I had returned from my break, that pattern had continued. It got to the point where I truly just wanted to give up, so I had a conversation with him after practice one night. I expressed to him how I had felt and what I had seen, favoritism, a lack of support and he just stared at me. His arms were crossed while he rested his head at an angle on his fist, he squinted his eyes at me the entire time I spoke, looking confused. As I concluded expressing my feelings, the first thing he said to me was “Then why did you come back?”

Then why did I come back?

“I came back because I love the game, I love the dirt, the sound of cleats, when a ball hits a glove, grass stains, I came back because I love it.” He was quick to dismiss my feelings, he said everything I had seen, witnessed, felt, was false. The last thing I remember saying was “this is the last time I will be returning to this field”. My dad told me to walk to the car where he met me a few minutes later. I walked to the truck with tears slowly coming down my face, I watched every step I took and when I sat in the car I started at the field, where my entire life had laid right before me. I thought of my teammates and how badly I wanted to keep playing with them. The drive home was silent. My dad placed his hand on my shoulder and all I could think was that my entire world just came down. This is what I had dealt with my whole life, he was just the last coach I could tolerate it from. I was tired. I was so unbelievably tired.

I ended up finishing my high school years. That coach was actually a coach for one of the schools we played. We had played them countless times, we'd always win and he'd never say hi. At least to me, he'd say hi to my teammates who had also played for him at one point but never I, not unless I said “hey coach” first. I eventually stopped and the last time we played them, I hit my first out of the park home run off of his pitcher, my former teammate. He definitely didn't say hi to me after that, not even any eye contact while we said “good game”. It felt good to know he had nothing to say to me. I knew he had apologized to my dad for his response during the conversation but again, never me. He knew he was guilty of failing his own athlete. All he needed to do was care. Millions of female athletes face this same issue everyday and in some cases it leads to suicide. The most recent case I remember was Katie Myer, a soccer captain and goal keeper for Stanford University. She was 22. There are countless women who have passed away due to facing similar instances. Neglect, the need for perfectionism, lack of emotional support, constant pressure, favoritism, unrealistic expectations, only to be labeled as a quitter or noticed too late.

The problem I have with this ad isn't that she's a pretty woman, it's the fact that she used that to completely put down and set back thousands of years of women's history and development. It's a slap in the face to all the women that have put years of dedication into perfecting their game. I mean that's not what a female athlete looks like, let alone does. I thought the jeans ad was already bad but this is just blatant disrespect, it's disgusting truthfully. We live in a world where women are already deliberately observed and studied, every move we make is watched, nitpicked and preyed on and this is just catering to that male gaze completely. When are female athletes going to get actual praise and recognition they deserve? This isn't just a game, it's not sports, it's a lifestyle. This is where the greatest friendships are made, where life lessons are learned, where blood, sweat and tears get poured into, this is what it means to be a woman. To get up and denounce every negative comment and continue to work and fight for what you love. This ad was truly pitiful. Everything female athletes had worked for was belittled in a one minute, nevertheless it will not slide. We are not sex symbols, we don't solely look for male attention and validation, especially as an athlete. I'd love to see her filming this with some of the biggest female athletes in the room, think you know sports now Sydney?